Instead

Oh come on. Why can't I find the push for this task which I must execute. I sit here typing away on nothing when this effort should be put toward something more, something that has more substance, something that will affect my future. But the conversations of early today have drained my mind and are distracting me more than normal. I don't want to say I'm back in something when there is so little to base it on. Days in the future can give this more life but they will be short and fleeting. My heart is beating and wanting for this. Then the looming shadow crosses my mind. I wish for this to be over and in a few short hours it could be... yet I sit here... still typing... still distracted. Does this distracting have something behind it or is it my mind just searching for something to grasp. I am at a time where what I want is taking over. I feel the need and I have the desire but I cannot find it. So much frustration. I want to yell it out. Two steps will bring me to the door and one more, inside. My feet are heavy though and the terrain is unfamiliar. My eyes don't see as they should... I don't know that they ever did. Five more minutes of this and I may be done and it may be too late. I've begun to connect to a different world. I've turned from where I am. Tonight is a peak moment of this. Tonight may change it all.