I've gotta die tonight
Ok, so life is going good for me. I'm really headed on the up and up. I've said that to a couple of friends recently, the up and up thing, and I really mean it. I really like the phrase and I got it from a Relient K song- such a good band. I've gone through some big, positive changes in these past few weeks. I really feel like I'm going in a great direction right now. I'm finding myself and learning to fix me before I try to get anyone else involved in any dedicated way. I have great friends that have helped me by understanding this and have also been a catalyst in some ways. The new people in my life have been completely amazing and I'm so glad that I've met them all. I'm sure you know who you are if you're reading this. I've grown close to people through the things I love to do and all in all life is going awesome. Keep it rolling all of you out there in the internets!
I want this to be amazing.
She caught me slower
Don't address this as you think you must
It's just like everything you do. Is this who you think you are? This speed rips past and you lose control. Rage courses in your blood and you have nothing left. With one chance to save us all I release my restraint and we break. I strike. You fall. We bleed. They call. I cannot believe that which you have become. It's something so much more than what I can proclaim. This switch, this scream, this life, this endless blaze takes me into its cold arms. I'm blinded in a situation so familiar. I'm searching the words with a bias. Why am I lost in such games? Time has proven to give me no insight into the opposing mind. Blood falls from my lips. I cannot win with my fists falling away. They move. We freeze. You run. I breathe. Letting you go brings those familiar painful songs. I will not hold this anymore. Maturity and boldness will encourage me. I will cope with this reality. There is nothing else I can do. All fight is gone. All blood is lost. This moon shadows my day. The heart falls apart. Investment in moments unsure was a fate that I took beyond. Never should I have left with nothing in now. Never again will I return to those follies.
I found myself here talking with heat at my ear. Words spill in selfish truth though I try to restrain. This could be an amazing time but I can't do it all for myself. She is the one that needs healing and love during these times. From which view do I send from? Friend? More? Less? I don't want to fall with those chains again. The threat frightens my heart. I have stepped on the stones that left me locked inside a place I can't control. Still this feels so much different than those past immaturities. I've controlled and listened and seen and held my spirit to restraint and sensibility. But now the remark of "I'm not sure anymore" screams through the strained concern. Excitement recreates a movement that could betray me. The switches click and she speaks to him. I bide and wait for the return message... I anticipate, I yearn. What will she spill onto the floor? What will I say in return? What will my desires cause amidst this? I hope the words I've heard from others will ring truthfully. She creates in me a calm and vigor. She brings me out and keeps me contained. She holds me to earth and lets me fly. But what else is there to do? I've got nothing left here, nothing to give away or lose. The breaking glass shot through my thoughts. Their glimmers taught me the moment's value. I lean down and forget my voice. I hide these thoughts for the time immediate. Maybe one day I can speak of these moments. Tell an ear that I trust. Hear her inside my words. But now my throat is locked. The only other thing I have is time. The only other one is a mystery.
Fire eats at the metal
A light shines,
A no revolution outlook betrayed
I'm your fool to lose tonight. The cruelest of tendencies will push me now. Never again will I see clearly- you've blotted my eyes. I've broken out the dangers inside this link between. I have walked this road many times before. I don't know if it's love- far too soon to give that word another thought. I don't want to play this song and fail to catch it's meaning. I've immersed myself within it's melodies and never found a life to live. I know the ramblings heard are not mysteries so contained tonight. I've read each line before, lived each minute to its fullest and not found a breath of my own. I can't know where I'm to lead this next step we might take. Do I wait? Will you? Timing is everything in this game of guess and dare. Your signals are sent but cut with a double edge. From which do I bleed? I cannot know, I never have. One attack will give the answer, whether right or wrong. My choice is limited. Patience is not my forte. This day I will not fool myself. This day I will calm my soul. This day I will break the pattern. Tomorrow I'll smile with you. Tomorrow I'll be new.
Can you grip a heart to save a soul? Dancing forever to change my reluctance. I am reckless and destroying, changing the fight. This ticking moment betrays my patience, banning me from the desolation I wish to repair. Along a solitary path I wage war against myself, retreating the beast and pouring wind ripped heat onto the wounds in my flesh. I’ve lost the days of rest, which broke the weary chains that pulled me deep into a sea of clouded black. I’ve wandered around the truth, avoiding its sting to my prideful flaws. I indulge my weaknesses, giving to them the means to survive; the means to pull me further beneath the cold touch of regret. I’ve wept and screamed. I know the way to destroy this but I have yet to fire the shot. The heated metal could fly from my gun, ripping through the heart of those who oppress me, but my wavering hand tells of the fear I am made of. Where would I find the courage to squeeze the trigger? I can’t continue with my solitude. I need the change. A walk in awakening towards a melting of impurities may be a start to continuance. These moments will revive in me a passion that has escaped my hand. Don’t watch me crash into fiery disruption; I won’t survive without your words, your embrace, your breath, your touch.
