Thursday, September 25, 2008

Burst Rate [working title]

Let me start this off by saying this is my first attempt at a more planned out story with actual dialogue rather than just a poetic narrative or prose. I'm not much of a dialogue writer. It typically seems to come out awkward. But take note that the dialogue in this story is meant to be a bit unnatural and floaty, kinda like an ideal romantic verbal expression. That's what I'm trying for, I don't know if I got that. Some parts are kinda awkward to read but this is a very rough cut. There's going to be more... at some point. Tell me what you guys think. Oh and this is also a bit autobiographical, basically all my writing is:


“She gave me nothing,” he screamed at the past set above his head. “Why did I let her control me?”

The look on Reagan’s face was of the utmost pain and betrayal. The tears from his eyes crept down his face combining with the sweat from this distraught. Two months ago he knew what he was doing. Two months ago he knew what he wanted. Two months ago… he had her.

He saw Katee while he sat in the park at his usual spot by the pond. It began with him looking up at some movement in the corner of his eye. He noticed it was just another pretty girl walking by so he went back to his writing. Then he saw her. The quick glance up at her did not give his brain time to process the details of what he saw. Short moments of reflection allowed him to know what she was. His head rose slowly and he looked up at her once more. Frozen. Stuck. Motionless. He was locked in place by every detail of her. Any part could occupy his time and control his gaze for longer than he should actually look, but by combining all her parts into one sole being, God had made a vision that took Reagan completely. He lost control. He stared with his mouth gaping open in all obviousness of his infatuation.

“Why do you look at me so?” She broke his stare with her simple inquiry.

“I … I’m lost in you,” his words were pure and would travel to new and unknown levels in the near future.

The romance started suddenly. Fast and mysterious were the connected moments between these destined two. Their first date was a return to the place where Reagan had fallen into Katee’s eyes. They sat in the park on the bench watching the white, pure clouds above. As they viewed the pieces of heaven overtop, it was as if they were looking through one another’s eyes.

“No one has ever been able to see my same visions when I look above,” a confused and enamored Reagan sputtered out.

Katee looked at him with her delicate face and when she spoke her voice sounded like what Reagan believed heaven must feel like, “I too have never experienced something as this. Destiny may have brought us here today.”

Reagan silently agreed but could do nothing more than smile and nod as he drank in Katee’s beauty. She was a dream. Would he wake up? His heart told him no. He knew this was a forever sleep for him… and he needed the rest.

As he felt love wash over him he knew Katee was what he was going to dedicate himself to for the rest of his life. His efforts as such went unnoticed once before. His strength had been drained of him in past experiences.

Joshua Reagan was a quiet and passionate man who often found himself completely enthralled in singular events. He analyzed them over and over trying to find any detail, any word, any crack that he may point to and say, “There! That is the sign I need!” These analyses were his main source of inference when it came to reading the actions or words of the most befuddling opposition he ever faced: women. Women in Reagan’s life were always elusive and confusing. He rode into each encounter with them armed and ready to read yet he failed every time. His lack of self-confidence in his words was his largest and most overwhelming flaw. Conversations were typically one-sided with Reagan being the silent listener, ever afraid to make any utterance. Inside his mind he always had things to say but he debunked them before they could come out. Most or all of his opinions and words were judged intricately and unfairly prior to being released to another. This was especially prominent with any women that merited some sort of romantic interest in Reagan’s mind. So his silence closed him off and allowed him little chance to obtain any sort of true romantic companionship from any of the billions of women in the world, save two.

3 comments:

Connie Reagan said...

I have to laugh.

My son's name is Joshua Reagan. And from how you describe his character I'd be tempted to think you'd met him. Heh.

Permanent Grip said...

well thats crazy, lol. i can say that im pretty sure i havent met your son. this is actually the name i plan on giving to my son- Joshua Reagan Smith. if and when i have one.

and this character is really based off of myself.

caserad said...

i think you did well with it, especially since it's not what you usually write.

speaking of, if you're interested, nanowrimo.org is the place to go, if you've ever wanted to write a novel and never had the motivation. 50k words, 30 days. all about quantity, not quality. if you're looking into writing more prose, or even a book of poetry...don't know how to end this random blurb, but i felt you should know about it...